Proud Cabaret presents: Miss Proud 2014
Proud Cabaret Brighton
2nd April 2014
Something a little different was happening in the rouged chambers of Proud Cabaret last Wednesday. Miss Proud 2014 was crowned, and we were treated to an evening of feathers, enough nipple tassels to sink a ship and a sort of GCSE level science quiz.
On entry, we were attended by a bevy of buxom waitresses, who weaved about us bearing canapés and cleavage, kitted out in corsets, plumage and not a lot else. We supped on quails eggs and parmesean tart-lets, feeling very grown up as we soaked up the vintagey opulence of it all.
The host soon graced the stage. Her voice soared and her tongue wagged wickedly. The lady in question is internationally acclaimed compère, singer, burlesque artist and actress Coco Dubois. Coco is a consummate cabaret professional, the proud owner of a voluptuous, overflowing, glass shattering voice, and a figure to match. When she wasn’t using her vocal chords to sing odes to a ne’er do well ex- boyfriend, she was wielding them to wit and corale a delighted audience and to guide us smoothly through an evening of alternative pageantry.
The judging panel included hair extraordinare Simon Webster of Simon Webster Hair, who’s pop up salon gave great little free styling sessions and hair consultations. Sophia, head booker and manager of fresh models agency and Ji, Proud’s answer to Simon Cowell completed the threesome.
They shot questions at the finalists before the pin – ups “span the wheel” and answered some pretty uninspiring questions from categories such as science, film and music (yawn). We were hoping for a little originality from Proud on this front. What we got was a pub quiz. The finalists were occasionally witty, sometimes non- nonsensical, mostly nervous, and didn’t always shatter the ditsy beauty queen stereotype. However, I began to feel that the stigma is unreasonable. Could you remain coquette and witty through a series of banal questions in front of a room full of judgemental drunks? I have little doubt I would regress to a gibbering, moronic state, and the fact that bona fide English words were coming out of these girls mouths seems to me a herculean feat.
The talent round allowed all these gorgeous girls to come into their own. Audience favourite “Marilyn Monrow” had all the personality that some of the frailer deer- in- headlight waifs were lacking, and had the audience tightly wrapped around a perfectly manicured finger. Largely singers and burlesque performers, all the girls, without exception were genuinely talented! A personal favourite was runner up Sophia Bon Belle, who’s Arabian nights inspired burlesque was a smouldering, erudite delight, and who’s laser come to bed gaze could cut ice.
In the end the stunning and composed Crystal King was crowned. Fair play, she’s an absolute knock-out. Proud Cabaret has delivered another sensual night of flirtation, burlesque and general sauciness, with bit of brain work thrown in. It makes a nice change from the usual slouching around Brighton’s grungy bars- I’m going back next week!